When Life Breaks Routine (Because It Will): Returning to the Foundations for Autistic and PDA Families

What happens when life breaks routine — especially in autistic and PDA families?

In this episode of the Attuned Spectrum Podcast, I’m sharing a care-first reflection from an unexpected hospital stay and what it highlighted for me about nervous systems, routine disruption, and why returning to the foundations matters most on hard days.

I talk honestly about what it feels like when overwhelm builds, when control is lost, and when you’re holding worry for your children — especially when one or more children are already in burnout or masking. This episode is about the invisible load parents carry and how quickly things can unravel when routines shift unexpectedly.

I also reflect on the impact of being listened to and accommodated in a moment of distress, and how regulating it can be to be witnessed without being fixed. It was a powerful reminder of how deeply our children need that same kind of space, understanding, and nervous-system safety.

This episode brings everything back to the Attuned Parenting Foundations — not as theory, but as something we return to in real life.

Key takeaways from this episode

• When routines break, it impacts everyone’s nervous system — not just children’s
• Insight and language don’t cancel overwhelm, especially during high-stress moments
• Parents often hold worry for multiple children at once, and that load is real
• Being listened to and accommodated can be deeply regulating
• Foundations matter most when life is hard, not when things are calm

The three Attuned Parenting Foundations

1. Parent well-being and regulation

Supporting our children starts with supporting ourselves. Parents need to be regulated and resourced enough to co-regulate — because when a parent is overwhelmed or depleted, it becomes much harder to show up in the way their child needs.

2. Understanding your child’s nervous system

When parents understand how their child’s nervous system works — including recognising burnout and stress responses — it becomes easier to respond with empathy and support regulation, rather than pushing for behaviour or compliance.

3. Supporting through environment and sensory needs

Even with parent regulation and nervous-system understanding, children will continue to struggle if environments aren’t set up to support them. Adjusting environments to reduce sensory overload and meet sensory needs is essential — not optional.

Foundations aren’t something we build for calm days.

They’re what we come back to when life breaks routine and capacity is low.

Links to further support and resources are available in the show notes.

Transcript

Chantal Hewitt (00:00)

And that just made me think of how important accommodation is. Being heard, being witnessed, being allowed to be where you are. And I'm saying this as an adult, that I had these feelings. So it's really reminded me how much our children need that same kind of space, that same kind of acceptance, the same kind of accommodations.

Hi everyone and welcome back to the Attuned Spectrum podcast. Before I start, I just want to name the goal of this episode because it is a little different to what I had planned this week.

The goal today is to talk honestly about what happens in real life when routines break, how that impacts nervous systems, how it affects our children, and what it can look like to respond with care rather than pushing through. This week, life broke routine in our family after a very unexpected hospital stay with one of my children. And I want to use this moment to reflect not just on my own experience, but on how we hold worry.

for our other children when everything suddenly changes.

and talking about what that worry is about.

And for me, there was deep worry and still is because I'm filming this episode. Actually, I'm recording the audio. I'm not filming this week from a hospital bed with my little one lying on me.

So yeah, there's lots of worry there about my PDA autistic son and my other child and how they are handling the change in routine, the unexpected change in routine and how we navigate that, especially when burnout is present and it's the end of the year and there's already so much going on. This is just...

life and it's happened and I wasn't ready for it and I think we never are when big routines just shift.

I'm sharing this with you today to acknowledge how when we have the tools, coming back to these foundations, we will be able to handle.

When something shifts, when routines break with more ease and more certainty for our children and for ourselves.

I will be back next week with the planned episode on sensory environments and shifting our environments to support our children's sensory needs. So nothing there has gone off track in this Attuned Parenting series, but what it's done, it's almost been enhanced, I would say, with this episode to show how important these foundations are in real life and how to apply them.

So what happened in my nervous system over the last 48 hours? Being in this hospital environment was a lot for me. The noise, the lights, the unpredictability, that huge lack of control. I could feel myself starting to spiral and things were accumulating one thing after the other, that familiar buildup where everything feels too much and your body just wants to shut down

What stood out to me was that I noticed this as it was happening. Not right away, but as it started unraveling.

and noticed it as I was on the brink of meltdown. My anxiety was high and I didn't know how to ask for support and the accommodations that I needed to feel safe in my own nervous system. And that was incredibly hard.

Because I have the language, which is so important to name with our children end with ourselves as parents or caregivers of autistic and PDA children.

Even though I have the language and I'm able to name it and understand it, it doesn't mean that it isn't hard. And just because I have insight, it doesn't cancel the overwhelm that I felt. And I'm wondering if you feel the same way. Do our children feel the same way?

How do we navigate that as parents raising PDA and autistic children?

How do we navigate that if we ourselves are neurodivergent?

it's a really tricky thing having to care for our children's nervous systems and then also understanding how to prioritize our own.

I was holding so much worry about my children at home, specifically my autistic son, the one that I put to bed every night, the one who needs me to help him with the toilet, the one who breaks down massively with me because I know that I am his safe space, I am his co-regulator. And I left him quite abruptly yesterday and he did so well, but I know how much masking was underneath that.

And I know it will be waiting for me when I come home, but I can't help but feel the weight of how that could be affecting him underneath it all.

So was thinking about how this disruption might land at home.

and about my masking autistic child and how much he will be holding inside. As parents, we often carry multiple nervous systems at once. We aren't just managing the moment in front of us. We're holding what might be happening everywhere else too. That load is very invisible, but it is very heavy.

And was this moment of accommodation where I really needed to communicate what I was experiencing with someone, but I didn't trust anyone at the hospital and a lot of anxiety came up for me.

As I was approaching meltdown, I couldn't find the words, it felt really hard. And that fear of being vulnerable and then not being understood or being brushed off was real.

And then there was this nurse who simply listened, no fixing, no minimizing and no dismissing any of my questions. I could actually feel my body settle in that moment.

And I was so grateful that she took the time to listen, to understand my needs, knowing that accommodations needed to be made. And she literally spent the rest of her shift trying to support me. She didn't say it out loud, but I could feel it. And it was so appreciated.

And that just made me think of how important accommodation is. Being heard, being witnessed, being allowed to be where you are. And I'm saying this as an adult, that I had these feelings. So it's really reminded me how much our children need that same kind of space, that same kind of acceptance, the same kind of accommodations. And I know that a lot of the times...

in our systems that aren't built for neurodivergent children and people, they won't get to be as grateful with that same experience that I just explained.

Chantal Hewitt (06:31)
The reason why I'm sharing this is that this experience brought me right back to the foundations of attuned parenting. And that is attuned foundation number one is regulating yourself as a parent.

Regulating comes before reasoning. Nervous system safety comes before making sense of what's going on. It's the precursor to all of those things.

enabling success of the environment in order to have successful behavior.

And by the way, if I wasn't holding my little girl's hand with my one hand and my phone with my other, I would be quoting the word behavior right now.

Regulation before reasoning, environment before behavior.

Routine is nervous system support, not rigidity. Please let that sink in. We don't build foundations for the calm days. We build them for days like this. Days when life disrupts everything and we don't have extra capacity to do more.

This isn't about parents trying harder. It's about being supported when things fall apart and knowing what to do, where to go.

and what to approach first.

I know this episode was a little bit different and if you've been following along, it probably wasn't what you expected. You were probably expecting sensory environments and how to support your child. Do not worry, that still is coming next week.

But if you're listening to this in a season where your routine has gone off track or it's broken, where things feel messy or heavy, then you are not alone and you're not behind. You honestly are exactly where you need to be for your child and for yourself. But you can get back to where you want to be going.

Prioritizing care is part of sustainable parenting, especially with your autistic and PDA children.

Prioritizing your nervous system makes a huge difference, especially when your routines get broken.

I will be back next week with...

the last module of the Attuned Parenting Foundation series, which has to do with understanding your child's sensory profile and how we can support all of our environments to allow your child to thrive. So perhaps you do understand your child's sensory profile, or perhaps you understand their sensory overwhelm and what causes it, what triggers it, and how to adjust things.

We'll also go into advocacy and how important it is that your child's sensory needs aren't just cared for in the home, that is where it starts, but that you are advocating for their sensory needs, altering environments, not so your child fits into what's there, but so you can change the environments to support your child. We put them first here, always.

If you would like more support or clarity, I have some links that I'll leave in the show notes. If you're ready, you can jump on into the Attuned Parenting Foundations course. Again, it is free.

you can head to chantalhewitt.com/course

Thank you so much for listening as I record this in a hospital bed.

I apologize if it wasn't the episode that you were hoping for. That's kind of why I made it short. But I did just want to show up for those who listen to the Attuned Spectrum each week or those who are starting to listen or finding clarity within their busy days through this podcast. I hope something landed. Would love to hear your thoughts in the comments.